Funny enquiries 3

English guy: Any reduced price because I can lick my cock?

My comment: No but I will reconsider if you can also shove a melon up your ass.

Another English bloke: Can I ask you a question?

My comment:  It seems you are well aware your question is totally inappropriate, hence your hesitation.

Generic guy: I am 32  (36, 45, 29) years old single (divorced) guy from France (England, USA, Belgium) and I wonder if I can be your boyfriend.

My comment: How embarrassing. Lazy loser with high self esteem looking for a trophy girlfriend from the safety of his home. What makes you think I could get excited over some socially challenged Tom or Harry wanking his little dirty cock over my images?

Another Generic guy: I am Paul (Dick, Sam). Can I be your slave?

My comment: Thank you for sending your CV to our company. However, we regret to inform you that it ended up in the corporate bin since you sound like a useless piece of shit with no skills, no brain and no self-respect. We wish you the best of luck elsewhere.

Yet another English sub: I am into the scat fantasy. I would love to be trained by you on a regular basis and eventually become your personal slave.

My comment: I think I’d rather stick to all those boring subs who pay my bills, get me stuff, take me on holidays, buy me delicious meals, photograph me, do my pedicure, massage my body, chauffeur me, give me credit cards, carry my bags, clean my house, run my errands, help me with  promotion and research, work on my websites, style my hair, get my groceries, hand wash my delicates, prepare my breakfast / snacks, take me to spa / golf , worship my body, shine my nails, teach me their expertise, keep me intellectually stimulated, polish my shoes, let me use their properties, fix my computer bugs, maintain my garden and make me laugh. 

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Chinese symbol for “slave”. A tattoo that my human property got on his arm years ago.

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